Is it right to buy your own dress and shoes when you've been asked to be a bridesmaid?

I was just wondering what the etiquette is. I don't mind because it's already taken care of. This is my first time as a bridesmaid and I thought the brides fam pays for everything. I'm also paying for my travel arrangements. I almost felt like I paid to be in the wedding.

Is it right to buy your own dress and shoes when you've been asked to be a bridesmaid?
Hi,





I understand that it must feel that way to you because of the amount of money you are spending, however, it is custom that the attendants pay for their own attire, accessories and travel arrangements.


The bride should not pay for any of this, but she does have the final say on the style and colour of your dress, shoes and accessories too.


This is why brides will formally "ask" you to be in the wedding party (they would never assume..well, some bridezilla's might..LOL). She already knows that she is asking a lot of you! She choose you though for a very special reason. To be chosen to be an attendant in the wedding is a huge honor, but you do have the option to agree or not.


If this is your first wedding as an attendant, you will find that there are some great books and articles out there....and here is a cute site devoted to bridesmaids, called, appropriately, "Bridesmaid.Aid..have a great time at the wedding and I know you will be one of the best bridesmaids a bride can have





http://www.bridesmaidaid.com/faqs/12.htm...
Reply:Unless the bride offers to cover the expenses (not everyone can afford that with the high cost of weddings these days), it's your responsibility to pay for those.
Reply:Unless the bride has told you that she will pay for your dress, shoes and travel accommodations as a present to you for being in her wedding then you were supposed to pay for your own. Most people do pay for all of their own things anyway. That is how it works, so you did the right thing in not expecting the bride's family to pay for your things. You're still supposed to buy her a gift as well, and show up for all your dress fittings, and attend her bridal shower and bachalorette party. Hope this helps. Remember nothing in life is ever free.:)
Reply:Sometimes the family will cover the expenses. I know that when my cousin got married, she paid for her bridesmaids' dresses. But they were responsible for paying for the travel arrangements. But sometimes its the complete opposite.
Reply:You did pay to be in the wedding. Any ettiquette book, no matter how old or new, will tell you that the bridesmaid is responsible for her own dress, accessories, and travel arrangements.
Reply:Yes, attendants cover their own expenses. Maybe you shouldn't have accepted the honour if the money bothers you.
Reply:Yes - that is most common.





It's always nice to be asked to be in someones wedding - to share in the happiest day of their life.





On the other hand - just know up front - it's probably gonna cost you a lot of money!
Reply:I'm in a wedding in 2 weeks and we (the bridesmaids) paid for all of our own attire, but in our case (especially mine, as I'm a stay at home mom with 2 kids), the bride made sure to tell me that my attendance is considered my gift to her and that she does not expect ANYTHING else of me as far as a gift goes. Remember though, the bride pulled me aside and told me this, the same may not be true in your case.
Reply:It really is a terrible feeling to be in a wedding and get slapped with the expenses, ESPECIALLY if the bride's family cannot help with the girls' expenses.





You aren't paying for the honor, you should be happy to do it, but I know it hurts.





If you know the family is loaded and they don't offer they are either cheap or oblivious dolts so speak up (gently and only directly to the bride) if you are truly broke. It really stinks to see the family pay 20 grand for a reception and not offer anything to the bridesmaids.





Been there! I only complained for one wedding and that's because the MOB wanted us to buy $300 gowns w/$90 shoes and have our hair done exactly the same at the same salon- $40. I was a college student putting myself through school. Mommy backed down and we still wore beautiful gowns %26amp; such.
Reply:the brides maids usually pay for their own dresses and shoes, at least in my experience (7 weddings)
Reply:Yeah, you're pretty much on your own unless the bride is super rich. Check out the website www.etiquettehell.com - there are tons of stories on there, and a forum where you can ask about proper wedding-stuff etiquette.
Reply:I have been in 3 weddings and I have paid for everything that I wore to all three. The bride and groom are paying for enough as it is. It would be nice if you bought your own attire for the wedding. Would you want to have to buy dresses and shoes for all of the people in your wedding? It's just the nice thing to do. :)
Reply:Yes, it is the typical ararngement that the bridesmaids pay for their own attire for the wedding, and their travel too. Agreeing to be a bridesmaid can become expensive.





However, if the bride is considerate she will make those expenses for you as reasonable as possible.
Reply:Bridesmaids are responsible for paying for their own attire, travel costs, the bridal shower, and bachlorette party. Sometimes if the brides family is rich or generous they will pick up the tab.
Reply:yes, etiquette calls for the bridesmaids to buy their own things, dress, shoes, jewelry, ect.





honestly, i dont think it should be that way. i'm getting married in Oct and my parents bought the bridesmaids dresses and accessories. i picked a simple, inexpensive ($40) dress for my parents to buy. and everybody is happy. And NO, it's not only the super rich. my parents aren't rich at all, (housewife and factory worker), but they are very generous, and i am being very thrifty. Small wedding - maybe 50 people, not dinner, backyard, ect.





Travel arrangments are something else. i think that if you are making people travel for your wedding, you better have enough money to pay for them to get there.
Reply:Yes, it is OK for the bridesmaid to pay for her own dress and shoes and travel arrangements.


Since yours is taken care of, you may want to get more info for any future bridesmaid opportunities. My friend who had to pay for her own dress and shoes gave the bride a budget of what she was able to pay in total for dress, shoes and hair. Hopefully you have friends that can respect that not everyone wants or is able to spend unlimited amounts of money. Hope you have fun.
Reply:Hello you took the responsibility of accepting so you pay for your own dress and shoes gift for wedding and gift for shower and you pay for your hair and make up and anything else you are personally wearing
Reply:It is expected that you will. You are also expected to pay for the bridal shower, your travel expences, any hair or make-up, and to give a gift. I know it is expensive, but it is a great way to get closer to the bride (plus she'll do it for yours).





Good Luck!
Reply:Unless the bride decides to buy those items as a gift, it is your responsibility to pay for the dress and shoes.


I agree, standing up in a wedding can be quite an expense.





Be sure you don't end up with a dress like the ones on www.uglydress.com !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Reply:Yep. that's what you agree to when asked to be in a wedding. You pay for the dress, the shoes, the alterations, etc. Why would the bride and groom pay for everything they need to pay for and pay for your stuff too?? Unless they are really rich, it never happens that way. But I made sure I asked all of the girls when would be a good time for us to order the dresses so all of them could afford it.
Reply:You pay for everything for yourself. That comes with being in the wedding party. Deal with it!
Reply:yep-- thats typically why you are ASKED to be a bridesmaid-- so if you can't commit to the obligations (to be there, to help the bride, to buy your dress and shoes (don't forget hair and makeup)) you can say no.





Hopefully your bride is mindful of all her bridesmaids financial situations and pics a dress and shoes accordingly-- and something pretty you can wear again!!





I felt bad when the least expesive (and not ugly) dress I could find for my bridesmaids was about 150.





Now I'm paying 300 for a bridesmaid dress of my own-- it goes with the territory.








ALSO-- PLEASE remember to get your dress altered if necessary.


Even budget weddings are ridiculously expensive-- and even the super rich usually expect the attendents to pay for their formal wear (groomsmen pay to rent their tuxes too-- and they don't get to keep them)



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